Holidays, Snow, Cold, and Family

I want to start out by saying that i absolutely LOVE the last three months of every year. They are filled with so much fun its amazing! First Halloween, the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and finally New Years'! Oh yeah!
Snow is my favorite part of it. I absolutely love the snow! I don't like driving in it, that is a totally different subject, but being curled up on the couch, with a view to the outside world, with a blanket, cup of hot cocoa and a darn good book is my solution to any winter day. I also love to play in the snow :)

I can't wait until all of my finals are over, that way i can just focus on my family, friends, and relaxing. I hate being stressed out by school and the Christmas Break is the perfect time to de-stress. I also get a break from the people that i am constantly around. Not that i don't like being around them or anything, but it sure is nice to kind of get away and devote my time to something else for a little bit.

My family will get to have their first Christmas in this new house, and i am so ready. I feel that it has been a bit rocky for us all being together again. Especially for my mom, she is very fidgety not having a job, she gets bored a lot, and she hates being home by herself. So, i think it will be good for her to go out and find a job she will like after the holidays. And, i pray and pray for her to find a good job. She deserves it so much, she doesn't deserve to be mistreated like she was at her previous job for so many years.

This weekend Lyndie and I will be going to Missouri to get the Chihuahua that she bought for her mom for Christmas. She is keeping it in her dorm room over finals, haha. I hope that turns out ok. But, she will have lots of help from me and a few others as far as babysitting the puppy while she is busy working and taking finals. I am pretty excited for the road trip. :) It has been a while since i could just go on a road trip with a friend and not family. We can get some good "girl time" in. lol

I know that it sounds obnoxious, but i have been listening to Christmas Music as much as i can lately. It just doesn't seem to get old for me. I love it. I love listening to the old singers like Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole, and Dean Martin. I also have been listening to Paul Potts and Andrea Bocelli lately, they really give me the shivers....they are so good! I actually cried when i listened to Paul Potts audition, it was amazing...

Women and Mechanics

I am currently sitting in the mechanics shop getting an oil change and transmission flush on my pretty little car. I just wanted to write my random thoughts on mechanics and how they deal with women sometimes. I have had more than enough encounters with men who think that women know absolutely nothing about cars and how they work. I will admit, i am not the most learned about how the vehicle works but i definitely know more than the average "Hehehe oops! i just broke a nail" kinda gal. Even though sometimes it may seem that i am. Growing up a farm-ish girl has really helped me to understand the basics of a car and how it works. I think it is so frustrating when a mechanic talks to me like i know absolutely nothing, then they think they can say all these big words and charge my more than my bank account holds at the time. Sometimes, i get suspicious if they call the bank and see how much i have, that way they can charge me for THAT amount! But, i know of course that is wrong and they "are only doing their job." I really makes me feel good when i can respond to their ramblings with my own knowledge and catch them off guard. Oh man, do i feel like $100 after that! Its kinda like, HA TAKE THAT! lol

anyways, that is how i feel about that! don't judge me, i just don't like being treated as if i don't know anything.

Life is Good

I must say that life the past two weeks has been amazing. It is SO nice to get to go home and sleep in my own bed. I <3 my bed. Well, I <3 sleep in general. Moving on. I also love it that i can come home and be mommy's little girl all over again everyday. She has decided that i spend too much money on food. So, she has started packing me a lunch every day. This is the first time in my life this has happened. I never got a packed lunch when i was younger unless it was required for a school field trip. And, her food is just amazing. The other day she sent left over homemade chicken noodle soup with me to school. OH YEAH! it was rockin! and the days before that i had werst sandwiches, its german and its awesome. I am definitely a momma's girl. I love giving her hugs and kisses and i love spending time with her, she is definitely an amazing woman.

Another thing i love is getting to be around the family animals again. Over the past year, i have lived with Boomer and Daisy (kathy and jerry's dogs), i have had a hamster that died (i will soon get another one) and oh yeah i lived with several bats at the last house. (they tried to eat me, but Caleb took care one of them). So, being around the three dogs that i grew up with is also heart warming. Oscar is our Newfoundland. Sadie is the blueheeler, and Daisy is the miniature Dachsund. I love those dogs. The relationship one has with a dog is unlike any relationship. If treated right and raised in a loving environment, a dog really can be a man's best friend. I think that i actually love my dogs more than some of my family members (mainly distant one's :) )

My goal this semester is to do better in school. Last semester did go to hott. So, this semester i am trying a whole different strategy. 1) Working less and Schooling more 2)Job Searching? maybe (for one that is more lenient with school- possibly through Entomology dept) 3)Less Cats for Christ time- more school time. I know this one may come as a little shocker but i really need to stop being so dependent on the group. I know that spending time with friends is going to be a great temptation, but i have decided to not spend every single night with them. Sundays-church of course Monday's- Bill's Life Group i hope Tuesday's- no C4C Wednesday's- Encounter Thursdays W@tW Friday's- no C4c probably, this one depends. i know, it still looks like a lot. and it is. i really wish life group was on sunday but i understand Bill's decision to put it on Monday. i would go to the one at Molly's and Amy's apt but i just didn't feel a good connection with the group there, so i decided to not go.

I am really hoping to go on an LST mission trip next summer. I have heard of talk of maybe going to Brazil. That sounds really exciting! I have heard so many positive things from the group that went this past summer and also from the group that went summer 2008. I want to be able to experience the feelings of helping others and sharing God with them. I really want to get out of my box and do something different. I need to be reguvenated.

I always forget how much i miss home until i actually get here and see everything and everyone. Even the little things that no one would even think about, like getting to hang laundry on the clothes line, or helping my mom with her chickens or playing with the family cat and our dog Daisy. I love being here. I love coming home and having stresses like work or school on my shoulders. I am definitely able to unwind this week and i plan to do a lot of it! This week has been pretty laid back and relaxed. Even on the days that i worked before i came home, i was in the best mood i have been in for a long time. This week will have been the longest i have been home since last summer. Which is crazy. I can't believe that i wasn't able to come home for a week on christmas break, but i was only home for about 5 days. Right now i am doing some thing that i love, and that is listening to music and updating my music collection. I love music! It has been a huge passion on mine for my whole life, but sometimes i forget to be passionate about some of the things that matter most to me. So, i have made a decision. This summer, i will focus on my passions. Music, journaling, Time Alone With God, and a few other things. Also, i hope to strengthen some friendships that i already have in Manhattan.

I have been thinking a lot about the Rwanda team, I really hope that their trip goes well and they are able to accomplish their goals and make a good trip out of it. To be honest, i am kinda jealous that they get to go and i have to stay here and work and take a class all summer :) but it is my fault that i am staying here. I let others get in my way, and let them talk me out of doing LST, which i definitely wont let them do next year. I really want to go on at least one LST trip. Just to get the experience.

Until Next Time...

Lord, can you hear me?

I don't have a true point to writing this post today. I just need to put some things down in writing that have been in my head for a while. In some ways i guess you would call it relieving the cranial pressure.

I will be in good ole Manhappenin for the summer, which is good and bad. Good- because i get to work and retake a class i didn't do so hot in. Bad- because yet again i will not be able to spend the needed time with my mother and sisters.

This is the longest i have been away from home. If i try not to think about it, its easier. Which is also why i don't call home very much at all, its easier for me to deal with the separation. Some of my friends tell me that when i was in Garden, i was still sucking from the tit. Which, I kinda was. I went home at least every two weeks if not every weekend. I always talked to my mom, everyday, and we even took a class together my last semester there. That was fun! It really was. The class was called Sociology of Marriage and Families. And, it was pretty much the perfect class to take with a parent. It was definitely a growing experience for my mom and I. I am going home at the end of may for a week and then again in June for 4 days. Woot! I am pretty excited. I can't wait for the day that my family can be back together again. It has been a long time coming. We have been separated on and off since my freshman year of high school up until now. My mother has adjusted to being a single parent and my father (whether he would admit it or not) has somewhat adjusted to the life of a bachelor. Of course, we are still a family but it is NOT healthy for us to be apart and it has put strains on our relationships with each other more than you could ever believe. I am sorry if this offends anyone, but i am tired of feeling like i am in a broken family. My parents are not divorced or separated. They are just physically separated because of his job. I hate talking about my family being apart and having people that don't know me think that my parents are divorced, because they are so far apart from each other. Its so frustrating because we shouldn't be like this. No one's family should have to be like this. I pray and pray and pray every day for God to reunite us under the same roof. I pray for God to help our house sell in Lakin. It has been on the market for over a year now. WHY?! I can tell you why, because no one wants to live in piece of crap, boondocks, Lakin! All i can do is pray. And all I can do it wait.

I definitely didn't mean for this post to be a ranting session. But, it seems like everytime i put some thought into my family and our situation, i get so overcome with anger and sadness that i can't help and truly express how i feel about it.

Curve Ball...thanks Life

Woot for my first post. Isn't this exciting...

Life is throwing quite the curve ball right now. I am trying to figure out how to deal. Old friends are reviving their friendships with me, exboyfriend is talking to me (wierd...), school is skinning my hide (quite painful), work is good, C4C is awesome (those are about the only two things). My family is still trying to sell the house (yeah right, no one wants to live the the middle of effing nowhere) and no luck there. Its been for sale for quite some time now.
Right now i am strongly disliking our armed forces. Just seeing what it has done to families around me and my family also is very disheartening. I dream to see the day when my whole family can live under the same roof again, for more than a few months. We have been apart now for going on 7 years on and off. Its horrible. But, then again it shows what wonderful people my parents are and how they have really relied on God to get us through these trying times. But, i am still more negative than positive on this subject. It is probably one of the main stresses in my life, and i am sick of it.

My mood now is nostalgic. Just in case you wanted to know. I am missing my life and friends in GC. I was definitely way closer to them than any of the people here in Manhappenin. No offense to those at KSU. But, thats just the way it is. Although the friends at GC3 were worse influences on me, they were still awesome friends and I felt completely and utterly accepted. I didn't have to prove myself or anything. Nobody cared about your background, as long as you could hang out, have fun, and be there for each other.